come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
