Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
