I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
