i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
