In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
