yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
