Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
