I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
