he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
