I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
