I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
