i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
