Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
