Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
