With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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