Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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