I heard we made out
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Randomize
