I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I can't turn off my feet"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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