I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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