i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
