I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
my shit smells like andre
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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