We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
