If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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