help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
God, I missed his penis.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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