My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
