if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
