I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
