I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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