I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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