you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
