i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
