Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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