When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I need a burrito and a hug.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
