All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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