What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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