When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Blow job season was short but glorious.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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