Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
