Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
