I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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