Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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