Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
