So drunk its hurt
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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