my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
im six kinds of drunk right now
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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