drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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