saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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