no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
