is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
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