i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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