thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
