shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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