So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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