I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Is it penis luge time yet?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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