areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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