Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
