Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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