I accidentally burped into my bong.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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