Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Randomize
