so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
