we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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