Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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